Shameless Policemen

Ive sooooo missed fast internet connection I decided to give up trying to use the net. Anyhoo, If I start teling stories about my trip ill be here all day so ill just give one funny gist that happened a while ago. in the mean time, yall should enjoy the music countdown here Top
10 Music
.. mehn im soo confused about who my fav NIg artist is now, there are sooo many talented artists we in diaspora dont get to hear about… anyhoo

so on to my gist!

If you have ever been to Nig I am sure you must have encountered the so called mongrels in uniforms that stand on the streets calling themselves policemen. The sight of them usually leaves a mischievous smirk on my face because they look so pathetic. Anyhoo the other day we finally go pulled over so of course I go the chance to toy with the mongrels. A friend was driving, his papers were in order but that made no difference.

First offence, the chick sitting in the back passenger side (me) had a dirty look on her face. Of course, I did, duh!, Who wouldn’t if they get pulled over by mongrels. He told the driver to roll down the window on my side, so I look at the mongrel like what for, I guess he dint like me. (they never do, last year one mongrel told me I have a bad eye for police, lol) Second offence one window was tinted. Immediately he said that I gave him this “you gotta be kiddin me look”, it was obvious the mongrel wasn’t sure if it was law or not so he jump to another thing. Third offence, the driver had an international drivers license, now it was getting funny cos mr mongrel in black did not know what an international drivers license was. Im thinking and these animals were given uniforms to protect and serve becaaaaaaaaause? So, he takes the drivers license to his boss an even bigger mongrel and then asks the driver to come with him. At this point im getting irritated, I tell him to give me the car keys and I roll up all windows and lock the door, cos guess what? I wasn’t in the mood to catch fleas.

Now for the fun part. Oga Mongrel now comes to the car with all his little ratty looking baby mongrels and proceeds to tell one to get in the car. This is when katakata bursted o. I shouted, “hell no, no one is getting in this car” Now for the most hilarious thing I have heard in ages, oga mongrel then says to moi “WE HAVE ARRESTED THE VEHICLE”. Lmao!. Ok the fact that I did not piss myself was a miracle, I mean if you hear someone say I have arrested you car there is no way you wont be tempted to toy with them. Sarcasm was smacking my mouth saying “use me, use me”. Im thinking ok, if you arrest the car, should we get the car a lawyer and if we do, how will the car communicate with its lawyer in order to defend itself. Wowser!.

Continuing my story, so oga Mongrel repeats that the guy should get in, oh! at this point my friend is already back in the car so of course I was ready for them. I said hell no, no one is getting in this car, if you want to go to the station, use your own cars. So I jump on the phone and make a call, just in case they decide to get crazy. Lol. So I said to oga mongrel, I don’t realy care whats worrying all of you but right now I want the policeman that pulled us over, I want his name and his id number (of course the coward is nowhere to be found). I said, after you arrest the car, I will arrest him and drag him to your real gas office and then you can explain to him why you are harassing us. Meehn, I opened a can of worms, see veins around his neck popping out, he then started shouting. You are very proud, who do you think you are, why cant my guys get in your car, is it because it is a jeep ( he lost me on this one, I did not know jeeps were special), I have a child you age where you are( he also lost me on this one cos I dint state where I was from and was speaking pidgin the whole time), all my men have cars, nice cars ( of course I couldn’t help laughing at this point), I am old enough to be your father, I am over 50. This was the part where I went into auto pilot, I just faced the front of the car and ignored him. I guess I got tired of watching him ramble. I could hear him still shouting bitterly while I played a game of pool on my cell phone.

Anyhoo, they sha dragged him away and the dododyo baby mongrel still had the guts to come towards the car asking to get in. I gave him this look like are you really this daft? I kind of felt bad for the dodoyo because he looked so pitiful, he had this unsure look on his face, like a jjc mongrel. Im sure he was scared to do what he was being told but of course had to obey. I had all day for them so he would have stood out there waiting for the door to unlock.

Anyhoo long story short, my friend decided he was tired of having fun with them, plus we had to go, so he tipped them and we went on our way. Small price to pay for some mongrelish entertainment huh?. Boy you should have seen oga vein popping hailing us after he got tipped. LMAO!!….

This may have been amusing to me only because I know why we were pulled over in the first place but when you really think about it, its very sad that the Nig police would sit there and degrade themselves for 20, 100, 200 naira. I actually appreciate the one that straight up ask in a friendly way than the ones that try to use cunny cunny to get dough. I knew the day would come when I would run into one of the cunny ones and it did and it was fun all the way. I wish you could have seen their Oga’s face when he was lamenting. You child is in a better place, yet your ass looks like shit and are indirectly begging for alms on the streets of LAG.

I think a law should be passed that If a policeman should ask you for bribe, you should do a citizens arrest. Something drastic that will put an end to all this rubbish. Ahh, which reminds me, I was on my way to a friends last week and I saw a policeman, I mean mongrel and a civilian dragging each others shirts, cursing at each other, you hol my shirt, I go beat you today type stuff. What a shame. The upside is, LAG is never boring, everyday is like on huge soap opera. If its not police drama, its people and their impatient ways, or how everything moves so fast yet so slow. Yesterday on my drive home, I just told myself. This place is chaotic, how does one get used to chaos. Isn’t it funny how you see things differently as an adult. The older I guess the more I see. Lol.

Disclaimer: not all Nig police are bad, I know really good honest ones. The nasty ones are usually the ones you find setting up road blocks looking hungry, flagging you down. I don’t know the stats and Im not sure if they make up the majority but I sure hope not. I guess it’s a fine case of rotten apple making the tree bad

6 thoughts on “Shameless Policemen

  1. Toni, good to see that you had confidence in toying with them, and y’all got away cool and stuff…

    Heard of a family member that got shot/killed dealing with the police…

    Your story was hella funny, i can just imagine you saying it… but the bigger picture is very sad and heartbreaking

    Missed you mami. for real.

  2. the Tafa Balogun (former police boss)saga of some yeras ago has shown how corrupt the police force is.
    it will take a radical change to restore the nigerian police. its a really sad strory.

  3. toni, i just stumbled accross ur blog and I have been laughing my head off!. I had a similar encounter with them “mongrels”, but this one was on the way to Warri- in the middle of no where, so I couldnt argue as much as you did. I like the idea of citizen arrest!


  4. Thx Toni, I meant to say that I love the top 10. I heard song that I would have never heard out here, I am in love with Kolomental and got my 5 yr old neice dancing it for me.

  5. Goodness me oooo…buahaaaa…u got me laffing out loud with d ‘We have arrested d vehicle’ phrase. I mean, only for naija o. Never a dull moment. But it’s really pathetic though, with d stuff these police people come up with. Very shameful and such a disappointment indeed.

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