#AskToniPayne , My man is upset about a male friend

#AskToniPayne is where you can come to, to share your story and seek advise. I will dedicate a post to the question and my answer. If you have any dear TPayne question, please feel free to use the contact me button.


Now for our next #AskToniPayne.. I will keep her name anonymous because she did not indicate if she doesn’t mind sharing her identity. NOTE: When sending your #AskToniPayne questioni; Please indicate if you don’t mind sharing your identity when you send your message. Ill usually keep it at first name and last initial max. okiiee lets get to it.

Hi Have been with this really amazing man for 3yrs now and for that 3yrs we have been living together. And just recently i lost my dad and in the day of the burial a friend of mine who happens to be a guy came for the burial he got so angry that i shouldn’t have invited him and i should have told hum about it earlier and since that 15th till now he is still upset about it and am wondering where i went wrong. This is someone that i left all girlfriends for just so we wont be having issues. Am thinking we at that stage of just breaking up bcos this stage of my life is when he should be my friend cos am going through alot. Honestly i dont know what else to do. i just need help cos its too much on me now. – O.O

O.O. Correct me if I am wrong but you just stated that he is an amazing guy. Meaning he has been a good boyfriend up to this point. What I see here is a break in communication somewhere and a few unanswered questions. Who is the guy? Why is your man so concerned about him? This situation requires a lot of patience and communication. I suggest you take some time out to sit your man down and ask him why he is upset about that particular guy. You can apologize for not letting him know and explain that you did not feel he would mind. He should understand that during such a difficult period such may not occur to you. If he is truly amazing, he will understand.

If after that he is still on the issue, remember men are like babies, they enjoy reward and praise. You can find his soft spot, ie. cook his favorite meal or plan a little surprise just to soften him up before you have another heart to heart with him. Assure him of your feelings for him and be mindful of keeping your tone low when you discuss the topic, so you don’t come off as angry or confrontational. If he still refuses to talk, maybe you should give him time. This is where patience comes in. During the days that you are waiting, don’t ignore him totally. Act like there is no problem. Allow him bring it up and talk on his own. If you feel like it, you can leave little love notes around the house so he doesn’t think you dropped the topic because you are upset. I am sure with time he will come around. I hope this helps.


If you are reading this and have any advice you would like to add for O.O,  please feel free. I would love to hear what the men have to say. How do you think she can break the communication ice and resolve this issue?

6 thoughts on “#AskToniPayne , My man is upset about a male friend

  1. Well, I think it’s high tym for you guys to set standards for yourselves. He is an amazing guy but he doesn’t want you to have even girlfriends not to talk of boifrds. Why? Do we say he doesn’t trust you or he’s hyper jealous? I think its time for him to trust you, since that guy in question is a mere friend,it shldnt have issues. He doesn’t trust you.

  2. Dating him and being a wonderful man for the past three years is not enough reason that he has ever been serious with the relationship. He might have been looking for one excuse or the other to call it quit. I once did something of such for good four years and at the end called it quit with a flimsy excuse cos I knew all the way it won’t lead anywhere. After sitting him down with a heart to heart talk and he is not bulging, I will advice you move on dear.

  3. i dont think going into a relationship should mean cutting off from your friends.. its a very immature thing to do. that is 1
    2. why does he hav issues with the guy? u arent telling tpayne the whole story u know.. prob u dated him or what?
    3. 15th till now is such a loong time to be upset at your partner especially in this sensitive period.

    if he can do this on a small issue i wonder what will happen if something major comes up

    1. Well that’s the whole story he is just a friend i met on insta message and he even offered to be the photographer of the day but i told him we had someone already.he came with a good heart

  4. Toni, I disagree with you o. He hasn’t married her and already she has doen away with her friends for him. No way! Dear poster, only you can tell the whole story. If he has been amazing as you say, then gently find out why he is so upset about the guy. If he’s just being possessive, run. Any man who strips you of your protective coverings (friends, family etc) might as well turn into an abuser. My two cents. Goodluck!

    1. Mosun, you make a very valid point. Why is he so possessive to the point of making her discard her friends? Such men can in fact be dangerous but I went in based on her 1st statement that he is an amazing guy.

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