Letting go of all Bitterness and Hate for the one I once loved

Toni Payne Quote about making life beautifulIt has been a good 6 years and now I can categorically say I have let go of all bitterness and hate I felt for a man I once loved. It has been an uphill journey but to find myself here is a blessing.

Without getting into detail and backtracking too much, I’ll summarize it as a lot of naivety, a lot of bad decisions, and a lot of untrained media professionals ready to blow things out of proportion. A man sang a song and for whatever reason known to them, Nigerian Media “professionals” decided to tag it as what it was not, and a lot of Nigerian onlookers decided to help spread it without knowing if it was true or not and unfortunately for me, I was caught in the crossfire. A lot of people formed opinions about me, some even hate me till today for something that was mere fiction. Such is life right?

Till today, I still wonder how things got that far. I wonder how things got so nasty. I wonder how a once beautiful relationship turned so sour so quickly.

These days, we talk – a lot. We talk about what happened and how we got here. These days, we can now joke and laugh about the past. I ask a lot of questions because I really want to understand him and put myself in his shoes. I also hope he understands my every reaction and puts himself in my shoes.

Through all the mess, we never really talked deeply about things. There was too much resentment on my side for me to want to allow him in. There was too much bitterness in my soul to ever want to forgive. I honestly never thought this day would come – that is how angry I was. There is a Yoruba proverb that states “when the ocean rises, you don’t rise to meet it.” For every action there is a reaction and for every reaction there are consequences.

I think sometimes, when you are finally in a good place, it is good to talk. Don’t just leave things like that, reach out to each other and talk about things. It is good for both parties to get closure. It is good to try to understand each other and move on with peace in your heart.

He stands by his reasoning that he never mentioned my name or ever accused me of such, and even though I agree with him that he never accused me of anything, I stand by my reasoning that he still should have defended me against a very wicked rumor. He argues that he felt it would have escalated things, I argue that things got escalated because he did not speak up.

We both believed in our decisions at that point. He felt silence was the best answer, I felt I needed to defend myself for posterity sake. At the end of the day, it is what it is. When the noise calms, we still have to deal with each other. When the curtains fall, we still need to have each others best interest at heart.

I am not perfect but I can categorically say I did my best to be a good woman to him. I still do. I believe deep down inside, he knows this. I do all possible best never to speak ill of him publicly – and as far as I know, he does the same for me.

After everything we went through, I always say it is best to keep your private life private. I write this today not to deviate from that but it would be unfair to forgive wholesomely for something that was so “Public” while leaving the impression that I have not. I know a lot of people think I hate him- I don’t!.

I also write this today not to bring up the past but to go on record and let anyone that feels bitter inside know that it only gets better. Trust me, if I can move on from an entire nation thinking I cheated when I did not, you can also forgive whomever hurt you. Just let love and kindness in your heart. Bitterness is a heavy weight to carry and now I feel 100 times lighter.

I believe the younger ones can learn a lot from our errors and most importantly learn about forgiveness. In life, we can only predict what we want from it, we can never ever guess 100% what it will give us. I spent so many years caring what others think till I realized in this life, the opinion of others is just that – an opinion. I believe I am starting my 2016 off in the right direction. I hope to work on forgiving others who contributed to this chapter in my story. I believe this is a great place to start. At the end of the day, we are family and I am eternally grateful for the grace to see this day.

Cheers to 2016 – whoop whoop.. ┬álol

39 Comments

  1. A'y

    Smart move.

    Reply
  2. Harry Umukoro

    God blessed you

    Reply
  3. Ayanfe

    God bless you Toni , may God cause his light to shine upon you and your son.

    Reply
  4. Dotun Olakanmi

    God bless u Ma! What a way to start a new year. God bless u more abundantly.

    Reply
  5. Laide

    You inspire me.

    Reply
  6. goke

    what a heart touching article… when we refuse to let go of the past we are just giving the past power over us. learnt alot from your write up ma. Thank you and may God bless you more and make zion bright like a morning stars, shine like a crystal gold.

    Reply
  7. Badmus Khunlay Abiola

    God bless u Payne and ur lovely son nd my nigga gongo aso master him self

    Reply
  8. Arike

    Thanks so much for sharing.. You literally just told me something which you might not know you did. I don’t know the whole process but i guess i have to begin with forgiving myself before extending to others, just to save me and myself not to go into deep depression. Thanks so much.. You might not get to read this buh thanks a million times

    Reply
  9. Yinka

    Wow! I used to be part of the people that spread the rumour cos of my love for 9ice but after I read cabasa side of story, I said to myself, she is innocent and immediately apologized to her soul from my end. Since I have always been a background supporter of her. Reading through your article now made shed tears. I’m sorry and i wish you best in life and may God continue to bless you and your family.

    Reply
  10. k.j

    Right step dear

    Reply
  11. Anonymous

    Too Much grama please shot ur story and sumarise it back to me.

    Reply
  12. Anonymous

    Tony you are one in a million,Men like 9ice mAKE all men looks evil, I listen to a phone conversation between 9ice and Rugged and I can’t really place why 9ice decided to be quite about the issue, but am glad u moved on

    Reply
  13. olanre

    inspirational step…I wish our parent, the older generation understands this AND pls are u guys back together (as I would be happy & I also prostated for u on that day)

    Reply
  14. Omolara

    Hey! Momma….tnx for teaching me one of the reasons of my existence…. Forgiveness

    Reply
  15. Adebisi Adenuga

    cool start to a new year. Now sit back and watch God do wonders. #Godwin

    Reply
  16. ib

    Comment…a lot of respect for u. It pains me all dis years when u are in this mess. U been framed in the issue made me think of how can life be this way. Besides the media caused more than 80 percent of the issue. U are really a strong woman cause u fought for yourself. Almighty God Wil continue to be with you. And ur son zion. I pray he Wil b great Dan is father. God continue to bless u. And my special Alapomeji

    Reply
  17. IG: @hrp_endowed

    great piece sis. Well done!

    Reply
  18. Oladunni Hussein

    am proud of u mama zion islam alapomeji

    Reply
  19. Anonymous

    Toni Payne God bless ur good heart

    Reply
  20. Mayowa

    Well done! As we forgive other, the Lord forgives all our transgression. You are a leader!

    Reply
  21. Jimmy John

    Honestly, I didn’t want the write-up to end. So I enjoyed every word of it.
    You are very correct, when you fail to forgive, the load and pain remains in you. You feel lighter and a lot better when you forgive.
    We are all sinners, we beg God for forgiveness. If we fail to forgive others, our own Sins can’t and won’t be forgiven. Therefore, when you forgive, it’s for your own good.
    Toni, starting 2016 couldn’t have been better.

    Cheers. My rolce mouldelds. (Funke Aiyetoro amplified)

    Reply
  22. Anonymous

    Touching story, May Almighty God leads u tru…,woman like u are very scars

    Reply
  23. Anonymous

    Seun my sweet baby…love ur rightup

    Reply
  24. purest

    God bless you mama zee

    Reply
  25. Tony

    This is good. God bless you.

    Reply
  26. Anonymous

    Hmmmmmmmm… i’m touched and feels like cryin’, I love 9ice and yo too toni payne, but I hate the story I heard bout yo guyz at first, but i’m glad yo guyz are over the shit now… Peace

    Reply
  27. Sharon

    …im very touched wit yr writeup, i learnt alot, cox im passing tru sometin similar wit my guy,,i ve to 4give inorder to move on…God bless u and ur son aunty

    Reply
  28. Man Utd

    Peace

    Reply
  29. sharegist

    Interesting article, I dont know what young one’s ,can learn from this because every bit of the story was in shadows, what I still have in my head was the same gist I heard – I heard you cheated but now you say NO.

    I understand you want to keep your life Private, but we can heavily learn if we don’t understand what really went down between you folks.

    God to know 9ice has been forgiven. Hope you can come back if possible.

    Reply
  30. LIVON

    Comment…
    I always said this and I will continue to say it, that despite all my undying love for my hero and musical lord 9ICE, I so much have this great respect for TONI PAYNE and you earned that when despite what was said about you, you were promoting and defending 9ICE’s piece of work, letting everybody knows that irrespective of what must have happened, 9ICE is great at what he does! TONI PAYNE is a rear woman and I hope I will be able to say thank you in person IN SHA ALLAHU! Thanks and GOD BLESS DA BOLD.

    Reply
  31. Ultimate Dej cleanin

    u have nt done dis by urself and I pray that God dat has strength u to do it, will perfect everything dat concern u

    Reply
  32. Sholasuggar

    No doubt !!!! You deserve an award as ambassador for peace and unity !!!! I pray God bless your womb my sister. *hugs

    Reply
  33. yusuf adesina saheed

    abefe I appreciate ur kind heart,u make me want to be listenin to 9ice song again……av since stop listening to his song since d issue started….Almighty Allah wed bless Zion for you In Share Allah!!!!

    Reply
  34. Anonymous

    abefe I appreciate ur kind heart,u make me want to be listenin to 9ice song again……av since stop listening to his song since d issue started….Almighty Allah wud bless Zion for you In Sha Allah!!!!

    Reply
  35. horlamilekan

    whaooooo…toni payne I love that..thanks for the inspiration..it’s really touching..A big THANK YOU for also forgiving my main man #9ICE..#GOD BLESS YOU…

    Reply
  36. horlamilekan

    I will be very happy seeing you nd my main man #9ICE together again as husband and wife forever….#PLZZZZZZZZZZ….

    Reply
  37. Omotato Bamgbade

    Dear Toni Payne,

    I love you with all my heart, ure an inspiration to this generation. I am ur biggest fan.when 9ice messed up i stopped loving his music any news about 9ice was boring to me. I believed and i still believe you did d best to protect ur man and ur marriage and u never cheated!! I followed ur old blog, loved ur write -ups and even loved my man more cos of ur love for 9ice.. I could go on and on, all i just wanna say is ure very strong and u will find d best man who will love you like no other..God keep u and zion!

    Love!x

    Reply
  38. Anonymous

    Sensible and articulate. God bless you. Kindly permit me to see you in person. I wish. My name is Adefemi email. samadesida@yahoo.com

    Reply
  39. Kingsman

    It does worth sharing!

    Reply

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