What I Have Learned About Love and Choosing a Strong Partner – Soliloquy

Over the years, I have learned many things about love and partnership.  I have discovered that a partnership that will stand the test of time, may require you to scale through certain prerequisites. I have learned that love should not be lived in a world of fantasy alone, but applied realistically. These are a few of the extensive things I have learned over the years.

They say you never stop learning about love. This is a true statement because I sometimes feel like I learn something new every time. Sometimes the hardest things to discover are right under our noses.

Finding real everlasting love is what most of us desire – I say most because truly some people do not care for love or being with someone long-term. For those of us that do, the journey can be confusing and most times require a lot of time and patience. We make mistakes, we learn from them and hope not to repeat those mistakes.

I always say, no one intentionally sets themselves up for failure. Why say I do, if you think it won’t last a lifetime? A lot of times we get carried away by the concept of love and the feeling it gives us – the feeling our partner gives us, that we forget to ask ourselves a very important question – Is my partner a strong or weak ally? Most of us, through the euphoria of feeling loved, tend to underestimate the importance of having a strong ally in love.

Countries do it, businesses do it, and people should do it too. The strength of your allies in life can sometimes determine if you win or lose at something. The strength of your ally in love can most times determine if the relationship will scale through the most difficult of challenges.

Through the “I love you,” you need to be very observant and take the time to ask yourself the very important question – is this person only down when things are good between us, or does the quality of their love change when things don’t go their way? Because in love, consistency matters.

Because we are all different in what we need from our partner, I will be speaking from my own point of view. Sharing my own views on needs and wants. For me, I have experienced enough to understand that, sometimes, choosing a life’s partner goes beyond love alone. Life isn’t rosy 100% of the time so you need a strong ally who stands firm no matter what, providing the no matter what isn’t detrimental to your life or the life of others. That to me is one of the prerequisites for marriage – riding with each other through the good, the bad and the awful mood swings – lol.

Sometimes, the biggest lessons are the ones we learn in the most hurtful way. It could be through someone you felt loved you only to realize that the love is very fickle and cannot withstand most things without shutting you out.

If he cannot stand firm during a little test of sincerity, or maybe during those days where you are uncertain, how will he stand with you when life’s little and big challenges arise? If you are anything like me, then you need a strong man who will hold your hand and say – look, even through your craziness, I am here to stay – even if you push back.

That’s the mistake a lot of us make, we hang on to sweet words, we build fantasies around someone and forget to ask ourselves if push comes to shove, will this person stick by me or will they fold, change or run at the first sign of discomfort or when things don’t go their way.

We convince ourselves that this person loves us and we may not find someone who loves us more ignoring how they react to fights or disagreements. It’s a set up if you allow your heart alone do the thinking for you.

When you discover someone may not be for you, feel free to cry a little, throw a tantrum inside you, but please learn to move on peacefully. Do not live your life running another man’s race. Do not spend your time comparing yourself to your peers because our journeys are surely different.

You are better off waiting years for someone who will stand firmly with you no matter what than jumping into the arms of someone who won’t because truly relationships and most especially marriage can be challenging.

It may sound a little selfish but you need someone who will ride with you even when you are not at your best and If their love can scale those “tests”, then maybe, just maybe, it is true love.

Toni Payne

Author: Toni Payne

Toni Payne is a creative writer, poet, voiceover artist, media personality and entrepreneur. She enjoys writing inspirational quotes, short stories, and poetry about various topics from romance to self-love. She also does voiceover readings of short stories and flash fiction on her podcast and writes travel, exotic cars and beauty lifestyle articles. At her leisure, she writes musings about pop culture, entertainment, relationships and more.

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