I have learned over the years that you pick your battles. I have also learned that it is wise to ignore certain things, but when that certain thing is something that could impact another being negatively, then I would be doing a disservice by ignoring. I woke up this morning to a tweet by a twitter follower of mine (blazingpearl). She had retweeted a friend who retweeted a quote that was supposedly said by me.
Apparently some blogs are touting the idea that I am ok with cheating. “Toni Payne Said, do not leave a cheating man” Toni payne said its ok to cheat”. I have NEVER in any way shape or form, condoned cheating. It is hurtful, wrong, can be dangerous and I do not advise anybody male or female to cheat on their mate. I know different people used different headlines to address my tweets. I am only referring to those blogs whose headlines on twitter said I was ok with cheating. To those who quoted me without saying I was ok with cheating. Thanks for staying within the professional lines. My tweets were about self love. We cant deny that not everyone leaves a cheating spouse. The point I was trying to make was, if you decide to stay, please work on loving yourself instead of being miserable because your man is creeping. That is IF you decide to stay. I am not here to judge anyone who wants to stay with a cheating spouse, we all know what we can endure in life and we all know what makes us ok as individuals.
I felt like tweeting advise that may or may not help someone that may be going through some difficult times. You never know who is reading and I feel some words I have stumbled on have helped me too so why not. I really don’t want to stop tweeting advice because of some mischievous few, but misconstruing my words on such a sensitive topic is irresponsible. Even if you no send me, send your readers naa. All na public service abeg abeg. I enjoy my simple life and I don’t need the extras. How many times have they posted that “Toni Payne is achieving this” upon all the things I have done this year alone. My podcast has been doing very well in Naija and America, they wont write about that… na to put bad bad tin. God pass you jor.. lol…I digress!
I talk about my experience because that is what I have to share. I can not speak about someone else’s opinion or experience. Only mine!. Because I chose not to harbor hate in my heart does not mean I have not moved on. On the contrary, it means I have moved on perfectly fine. I do not need to come on the public spare shouting up and down that I am in a relationship or posting another mans picture everywhere before people realize that I have let the past go. Letting the past go does not mean you cant speak about it. It doesn’t mean you can’t use it to advise others. Speaking about your experience in life does not mean you are dwelling on it. It doesn’t mean you are insecure, foolish, or you dont know what you are doing. It simply means, you are wiser, and wisdom is a lot of times earned via learning from experience.
I don dey talk long but to the initial point i wish to address, to those who still believe I cheated on my ex. I am sorry to disappoint you, I NEVER cheated on my ex hubby. Its not who I am, it will never be who I am. Tell yourself 1 million times, Toni Payne cheated, it will never make it true. Nobody caught me in any lie, or in any bad situation, nobody slept with anyone he was close to. Yall need to put a full stop to that bullshit. Its old!. Sometimes, men want their freedom, and the fact is you cant force them to stay. Same goes for women. Everyone wont have a perfect relationship, not everyone will stay married forever, we can only aspire to. Even those that have been married 10 years and are busy judging others, do you know your tomorrow? naaaa you sure don’t so curb it abeg. We can only pray, work, and hope for a good union.
Anyways To address this my ex said this or that issue. Let me just say He has NEVER for once opened his mouth to accuse me of cheating. He has NEVER for once opened his mouth to accuse me of sleeping with anyone he knows. If awon alaiye baje wanna use our situation then to sell their crap, how is that my fault? The same media controlling the remote to say I think cheating is ok, are the same who controlled the remote back then to say his song was about me. Nobody ever called him to verify or ask before publishing. Ill admit that we both did not handle the situation well back then, It was the first time we would experience such. The tension was plenty and emotions were everywhere. We should have sorted it privately. which we did try to do but one rubbish headline and emotions go buckwild again.
I don’t wanna sound like I am defending him, cos he is responsible for himself, but in all fairness to him, and because I have a conscience that serves me well, not for once did he tweet, fb, email, interview anything of the sort. Our issues had absolutely nothing to do with what the media were speculating. People took a song he did and turned it upside down. My crew MIXED AND MASTERED the song. If it was about me, why would I allow him release it. God gave all of us sense naa.. Some just chose not to use theirs and chose to believe anything they read even when the facts are there to sort through. The only thing I have blamed him for, was not coming out on time to refute the claims and allowing it to escalate to that level, he has since apologized SEVERALLY, we have discussed it privately as we should have from the jump. I have accepted and moved on. I have also apologized for losing my cool on twitter, he has since accepted and moved on. Really, what more is there. I am not sure what people want from me. Should I hate him forever? Should I tie him to a post and flog him mercilessly? Should I be a wicked person and deprive him of his son? If I remain bitter and upset, please what value will it add to my life? Wo, my life is much more simpler than all this. Those who know me well, know this. Those that dont understand me are the ones who will be forever outside looking in, speculating crap. I am truly tired of this topic but since it seems to keep popping up, i felt it is best to finally address it properly. If anyone decides to hang on to the lie after this, that is their own cup of tea. I have a talk show to record, poetry to write and a child to raise. I don talk my own. FIN!.. If you catch any typos or errors.. take it like that. I wrote it as is…straight from the heart.. I know most who carried the headline have no conscience and wont bother appending but if anyone choses to take my post and misconstrue that one too, I leave you to God.. no be chere kambia..Se Fini