its just painful…

As the tears flow freely in my household I try to make sense of things. Why did it have to happen to us, this type of thing shouldnt have happened. Why is life so unfair, What is the point of it all and what is our purpose in this life, are we just here to live and then die, why does God take away the good ones, and when will the pain go away. It dawned on me that this is it, there will be no second chance. How do you begin to move on from somthing so devastaing. I tried to create an outlet for my pain but it burns so deep within my soul it is literally taking my breath away. I tried so hard not to think about it, but that is impossible. I saw you on my sunday, “happy birthday aunty” you gave me a tight hug. How was I to know that would be the last happy birthday you would say to me. I just cant help but ask again, why? This is the type of stuff you see on TV, tragedies like this do not happen to good people. Then I face reality, yes it does, it happened to us. When will the pain go away, the pain can never go away.

Toni Payne

Author: Toni Payne

Toni Payne is a creative writer, poet, voiceover artist, media personality and entrepreneur. She enjoys writing inspirational quotes, short stories, and poetry about various topics from romance to self-love. She also does voiceover readings of short stories and flash fiction on her podcast and writes travel, exotic cars and beauty lifestyle articles. At her leisure, she writes musings about pop culture, entertainment, relationships and more.

15 thoughts

  1. Nne baby,

    You know this was me almost exactly 4 years ago. I am still just as angry as I was that July and the pain is still there. But what gives me solace is that he lived a good life while he was here and fortunately I have great memories of him. Take heart, pray, cry, curse, everything you need to do, God will be your (and your family’s) comfort and I will pray in agreement with you and for you.

  2. …when sorrow like sea billows roll
    whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, “it is well, it is well with my soul”

    may God comfort you and lift you up.

  3. yes darling I am..The funeral was soo beautiful you just cant be mad. Yesterday I went through all kinds of emotions at that church but at the end of it all I realized, yah, he is hella young and wasnt supposed to go out like that, yah, we love him and will miss him but boy oh boy, that boy is one of God’s angels and he simply needed him more than we did. You had to be there to understand how one boy touched so may lives, I have never seen a church that packed with people, club promoters would have been envious. lol.

    I have never seen a convoy so long in pouring rain. We musta caused traffic for a least a 2 mile stretch. Nobody cared how cold it was, or how wet they got, all they cared about was our African Prince and sending him off in a stylish, wonderful, loving way, and best believe my cuz represented naija looking like a true prince in his outfit. I still cry cos I saw him grow into a fine young man and know no more hugs from him but I am definitely at peace with myself and my God most especially at peace knowing what I now know.

    So thanks to everyone for the condolences. I am very, very ok now. Who wouldnt be with God’s special angel watching over them? 🙂 So its all smiles and laughter from now on..

    I pray none of you will experience this (AMEN) All of our remaining loved ones will grow old and grey for us o. and always take the time out to enjoy your loved ones cos at the end of the day they are all you have. No material crap, no flashy cars, no big houses, gucci bags, bling, none of that stuff matters. Cos when u r sitting there watching a loved one being taken from u, u would give all of it all in a heartbeat just to have them back…. make the memories and most importantly cherish the memories you have made cos when they r gone, that is what u have left of them…Believe that!

    lotsa lotsa lotsa love to you all.

  4. Hey Tony…
    Just wanted to say i’m so sorry for your loss. I know what loss feels like and its no joke. The pain never goes away, you just get used to the person not being around. To think he was even young makes it worse. My heart goes out to you. Big hug.

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